What is Mindful Self-Compassion?
Practicing mindful self-compassion enhances emotional resilience, improves distress tolerance and cultivates stronger, healthier relationships within oneself and others. But what is Mindful Self-Compassion?
What is Mindful Self-Compassion
Mindful self-compassion (MSC) is an approach that combines the practices of mindfulness and self-compassion. Developed by Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer, mindful self-compassion encourages individuals to turn towards their own suffering with a sense of mindful non-judgement, common humanity and kindness, rather than avoiding, suppressing or being self-critical.
How does Mindful Self-Compassion differ from self-compassion?
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially in moments of suffering or failure. But to treat ourselves with kindness, one must truly understand the experience of suffering.
Enter, mindfulness!
Mindfulness involves being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations in the present moment without judgment. It's about maintaining a non-reactive awareness of what is happening within you and around you. When we pay mindful attention to our suffering (think: heartbreak, failure, hardship, stress) we can see how we really feel and from that, what we really need. And when we meet that part of ourselves that is suffering, with kindness and understanding, we begin to meet our emotional needs in an effective and healthy way.
Here’s an example.
Say I’ve just bumped into the car in front at the traffic lights. With a superficial level of attention, I might simultaneously hear the voice of my inner critic telling me I’m an idiot whilst noticing that I’m physically okay. My self-compassionate response might be to tell myself “phew, no harm done, but I really should be more careful in future”.
When I pay mindful attention to myself I might notice a tightness in my chest, heat under my arms, a shakiness in my hands and along with the presence of the inner critic, I might also notice an urge to just make these feelings go away. My mindful self-compassionate response may be to take a few slow breaths, place my hand on my chest, silently or softly speak to the part of me that is or was just frightened and remind myself I am safe. To take this one step further, I might even remind myself that all human beings make mistakes. I am not alone in what I am feeling.
Mindfulness allows me to notice the fullness of my experience: thoughts, feelings, action urges, patterns of behaviour.
Mindful self-compassion is the willingness to respond with genuine kindness and understanding to what your direct experience of suffering is.
The evidence supporting mindful self-compassion
Research on the effectiveness of mindful self-compassion (MSC) continues to evolve as it is applied to various population groups. Recent studies highlight its benefits across various domains of mental health and well-being including:
1. Reduced symptomatology of depression and anxiety: A meta-analysis published in 2021 examined 29 studies and found that MSC interventions significantly reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety. Participants showed improvements in emotional regulation and psychological well-being as well.
2. Reduced stress perception: Research has shown that practicing mindful self-compassion can lead to reductions in perceived stress levels and reported improvements in coping strategies.
3. Improved emotional buoyancy: MSC has been linked to greater emotional resilience, which refers to the ability to bounce back from stressful situations. Individuals who practice MSC tend to recover more quickly from setbacks and exhibit a greater sense of emotional balance.
4. Improvements in physical well-being: Preliminary research suggests that MSC may have beneficial effects on physical health outcomes as well. For instance, improvements in immune function and cardiovascular health have been noted in some studies, likely due to the stress-reducing effects of MSC. There have also been improvements observed in individuals living with eating disorders, demonstrating MSC’s impact on body acceptance and psychological flexibility.
5. Cognitive Benefits: MSC practices have been associated with increased attentional control and reduced rumination. These cognitive benefits contribute to overall mental clarity, psychological flexibility and well-being.
Ways to practice mindful self-compassion
Getting started is always the tricky part, but trust me, once you do you’ll wonder why you didn’t start exploring your compassionate side sooner.
Here are three ways you can start holding yourself more compassionately starting today. These exercises have been adapted from the Mindful Self-Compassion Program.
(1) How would I treat a friend?
You’ll need a journal or your notes app to answer the following questions:
First, think about times when a close friend feels really bad about him or herself or is really struggling in some way. How would you respond to your friend in this situation (especially when you’re at your best)? Please write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you typically talk to your friends.
Now think about times when you feel bad about yourself or are struggling. How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations? Please write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you talk to yourself.
Did you notice a difference? If so, ask yourself why. What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others so differently?
Please write down how you think things might change if you responded to yourself in the same way you typically respond to a close friend when you’re suffering.
Why not try treating yourself like a good friend and see what happens?
(2) Take a (mindful) self-compassion break
Think of a situation in your life that is difficult, that is causing you stress. Call the situation to mind, and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body. Now, say to yourself:
This is a moment of suffering.
This hurts.
Ouch/oof, this is stress.
Recognise that suffering is a part of life. This is common humanity. You might say:
Other people feel this way.
I’m not alone.
We all struggle in our lives.
Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest. Or adopt the soothing touch you discovered felt right for you. you might like to silently say to yourself:
May I be kind to myself
You can also ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?” Is there a phrase that speaks to you in your particular situation, such as:
May I give myself the compassion that I need
May I learn to accept myself as I am
May I forgive myself
May I be strong
May I be patient
This practice can be used any time of day or night and will help you remember to evoke the three aspects of self-compassion when you need it most.
Here is a meditation recording of the mindful self-compassion break
(3) Identifying what you really want
Think about the ways that you use self-criticism as a motivator. Is there any personal trait that you criticize yourself for having (too overweight, too lazy, too impulsive, etc.) because you think being hard on yourself will help you change? If so, first try to get in touch with the emotional pain that your self-criticism causes, giving yourself compassion for the experience of feeling so judged.
Next, see if you can think of a kinder, more caring way to motivate yourself to make a change if needed. What language would a wise and nurturing friend, parent, teacher, or mentor use to gently point out how your behavior is unproductive, while simultaneously encouraging you to do something different. What is the most supportive message you can think of that’s in line with your underlying wish to be healthy and happy?
Every time you catch yourself being judgmental about your unwanted trait/s in the future, first notice the pain of your self-judgment and give yourself compassion. Then try to reframe your inner dialogue so that it is more encouraging and supportive. Remember that if you really want to motivate yourself, love is more powerful than fear
This piece was written by Vivienne Law - Trained Mindful Self-Compassion Teacher